There was a little girl...
by Elizabeth C
Summary: Harry has been out, and done something Hermione doesn't approve of. Arguments and angst ensue.


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Authors Note: Harry has been out to a party, and done some Dark Magic. Just for a laugh, much in the same way a Muggle teenager might experiment with smoking pot. A bit OOC for him, I know. 

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There was a little girl…

Since you've gone I've been lost without a trace.  
I dream at night, I can only see your face.  
I look around but it's you I can't replace.  
I feel so cold and I long for your embrace.  
I keep crying baby, baby please...  
–Every Step You Take, The Police

'Hermione, _why_ is this such a big deal?' Harry's words were clipped. He obviously did not want to be having this conversation. 

'You know why, Harry.'

'No, I don't. Enlighten me.'

Hermione glared. It was taking every ounce of her strength not to slap Harry square in the face. Ooh, if only she had her wand. But it was up in her dormitory, and she wasn't going to leave Harry for a second, or he'd be off and she wouldn't get another chance to confront him. 

'Harry, you _know_ how I feel about that. And only yesterday you were preaching about it yourself – talk about being a hypocrite.'

Harry scowled. 'Herm, I didn't mean to. It just…happened. It wasn't my fault.'

'Oh, so whose fault was it then? The fault fairy?'

'No, I mean it was my fault, but – '

'But what?' she snapped. 'I just can't _believe_ you went, Harry!'

'I wasn't going to join in, I just went to watch. Everyone's been. Hell, _you've_ been.'

'_I _went to look after Lavender. She had a nasty reaction and everyone else was too _high_ on their power to care! She could have _died_, Harry, and they didn't care! Are they the kind of people you want to associate with?'

'Hermione, they're my friends! Some of them are _your_ friends too! I think if anyone's being a hypocrite here, it's YOU!' He shouted the last word at her.

That did it. She slapped him, hard.

Even as she did it, she was already regretting it.

'Oh, Harry, I'm sorry – I didn't mean…,' she rushed forwards to gather him into her arms – but something happened that never had before. He stiffened, and pulled slightly away from her, not returning the embrace. She flushed, dropped her arms, and stepped back. Harry not returning a hug? The realization that she had gone too far hit Hermione in one sickening swoop. For a terrible instant, she saw her life stretching out in front of her, and Harry wasn't in it. _Oh no, oh no,_ she thought. _What have I done? I didn't mean for it to go this far – what if I can't fix it, oh no, please Harry, forgive me, I didn't mean, I was just being melodramatic, I _wanted _a fight – oh Harry, I'm sorry…_

He cut took advantage of her shock, and made to leave.

__

Oh my god, he's leaving, I've done it now, Harry - 'No! Harry, don't go, please, I'm sorry - ' Hermione found her voice as he was halfway out the door. He paused, but didn't turn around.

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Oh help, what can I say to make him stay? I don't know what to do in this situation, how do I make him stay? If he goes, I won't be able to stand it – does he know how much he means to me? Have I ever told him? Please, please don't let it end like this, I'll die without him - damn, I have to say something, what do I say? Oh no, he's going - 

'Don't go!' _Oh, brilliant Herm, a real stroke of genius, that one. Could you sound any more bossy and domineering if you tried? _

'Why not?' he asked.

'Because I don't want you to,' _Oh, very mature. _'Outside the castle, it isn't safe at night, you know that. I don't want you to get hurt.'

Harry considered this, and stepped back inside, though still keeping his hand on the doorknob. 

Hermione looked at him, biting her lip. In a movie they'd kiss and make up and then have some rocking sex, but something told her this dilemma wasn't going to end like that. Besides, this was Harry. Involuntarily, she screwed up her face. Harry. Sex. _Ick. _

You can't deny he's good-looking though, Herm. And sexy. Nice shoulders. I bet he'd be a viking in the – Hermione, this is not productive, she scolded herself mid-thought. _Save it for your next drunken deep and meaningful with Parvati. _

'Harry, I'm sorry. What else can I say?'

He just looked at her.

__

God, this feels awful. But how do I make it better? Can _I make it better? Yes, I have to. I don't know what will become of me if I don't. _Without warning, a nursery rhyme from her childhood floated across her mind:

There was a little girl;

Who had a little curl

Right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good, she was very very good;

But when she was bad, she was horrid….

That's us alright, me and Harry, she thought. _When we're good, we're unstoppable. But when we're bad – it's horrid._

Suddenly, though, Hermione was shocked out of her reverie by a tear sliding down Harry's cheek. All of a sudden, he looked very vulnerable – it was if he was eleven years old again. Her stomach dropped. _There's more to it than just this, _she thought - _my stars, look at him. What is going on?_

'Harry?' Uncertainly. 

'Herm, you wouldn't understand.'

'How do you know that?'

'Because you don't know the…circumstances.'

'Then tell me, Harry. Tell me.'

'I…don't know if I can, Herm.'

'Try. Please.'

He seemed to be wrestling with a decision. Several times he opened his mouth, only to lose the words and close it again. He looked at his hands, at the ground, at the ceiling. Anywhere but at her.

__

He's never been like this before – we've always been able to talk so easily. And if not easily, then at least we haven't been spitting poison words at each other. 

He ran his hands through his hair, again and again. He still didn't seem able to get the words out.

__

Oh God, but this hurts. What have I done? Please, please let me not have wrecked our friendship. Does he know it's what keeps me going? That if I lost him I'd be losing such a big and important part of myself?

Then, still carefully not looking at her, Harry spoke.

'I remembered something, Hermione.'

She looked at him, confused.

'From…the night my parents died,' he continued, his voice thickening with supressed emtion.

__

Look at him. He's a wreck – how I want to go over there and hug him…but what if he rejects me again? That hurt, so very much. I can't take it again.

'B-But – you were only a year old. How - ?'

'I don't know. And it's not a memory as much as a…sensation. I remember feeling warm, and safe. I must have been in her arms, in my mothers arms, I mean, she was holding me - ' His voice shook. But he took a deep breath and continued.

'Then, there was green light, and noise. Confusion. I was scared. Then, I guess I skip a bit, because the next thing I know I'm cold and desperatly unhappy.'

'You mean – you think you remember…,'

'Yes. I think I'm remembering her dying while I was in her arms. And then lying there, with her arms still around me, but dead, and not warm and safe anymore. With her getting colder and colder, and stiffer…and - ' But here Harry faltered, then stopped completely. His shoulders started to shake. At first, Hermione thought he was laughing – _Is he joking? Has this whole horrible night been a joke?_ – but then she realised he was crying. 

He buried his face in his hands as sobs wracked his body. Instinctivley, her fear of rejection forgotton, Hermione rushed forward, and pulled him to her. He didn't react, but he didn't pull away either – _which is even more than I have a right to expect, _she thought. She stroked his hair, touched his neck, shoulders, back. She kissed him, felt his hot tears on her hands as she touched his face, all the time thinking, _If only I could take this away. Harry, do you know that if I could feel this pain for you, then I would, in a second? You don't deserve it, you've had to cope with too much already. When is the world going to stop testing you? Haven't you proved youself enough, time and time again? _

She pressed her face into his shoulder and breathed in his scent - that blend of tea-tree oil, sugar and something that she couldn't define, something that was just _Harry - _that she couldn't get enough of.

Then he lifted his arms, and after hesitating ever-so-slightly, he wrapped them quickly around her waist and hugged her fiercely back. Relief flooded through Hermione. _Thank you_, she thought. And then, _Should I tell him? Yes, I have to, I _want_ to. _She kissed his hair._ I'm going to lay my soul bare to you, Harry James Potter. _

Her resolved flickered for a moment, but she'd made her decision. Thinking, _So please don't destroy it, _she whispered 'Harry. I need you to know something.'

No response. She took this as a yes, and kept going. 

'I hate seeing you like this. It scares me. It makes me feel helpless, because I can't do anything to stop it. Do you know that if I could take this for you then I would? But I can't, so the next best thing is for me to try and do anything I can to lessen the pain. But I don't know what to do. I do the best I can, you have to believe that. I know you didn't go with them to upset me. And what hurts me more than knowing you did something you knew I'd hate, is that my friendship, my feeling, my love for you wasn't enough for you not to do it. I give you so much, more than I give anyone else, but it still wasn't enough. I know it's not your fault – none of us can get all we need from a single source. But I wish that I _could_ give you all you need, and it rips out my heart to know that I can't.'

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Disclaimer: JKR's. Not mine. Warner's Bros, as well. Not mine. The song at the start is 'Every Step You Take', by The Police. Once again, it's not mine. None of it. I'm not making any money, nor is it my intent to infringe any copyrights or trademarks. 


End file.
